It’s better this way…

Some would say we broke. I wouldn’t think that. We were always broken. From the beginning to this moment there has been a crack in the wall. A flaw in the code. A flashing light. A red flag. She’s a mess I’m a mess. Together we’re a bigger mess. We never thought to fix ourselves we never think to talk it through. But somehow I know, that you know. And you know, that I know. That there is no fixing us. Because the crack got deeper and the flaws multiplied but we’re in love. We’re in love. Wouldn’t we get bored if everything was perfect? Wouldn’t we get tired of happiness every day? I wanna pull your hair and I wanna slap your face. I wanna kick you out and I wanna curse your name. Bur you’ve got me here forever and I’m never going to leave but you don’t seem mad about that. You slam the door you’re gone for good, you’re in bed tomorrow morning.

San FranFuckingHelpMe

Part 1…

The music is a blurry noise and my vision had became fuzzy. I was stuck in the corner pressed between bodies dancing and grinding. It felt like the air had disappeared and my head was stuck in a plastic bag. Where did she go? I have to get out if here. I began pushing through the crowed.


Not like she would hear me anyway

We’d snuck out. Well, I’d snuck out, her perants knew where she was.There was this huge house party tonight called ‘the night to remember’ even though there was one every year. My memory isn’t that good. Somehow Violet had persuaded me to go against my parents words and attend said party. But right now I’m beginning to regret agreeing.


I don’t think she would leave me, she must have gotten lost. Either way she couldn’t be far. Everyone around me smelled like beer and smoke and a few guys have already asked me to dance. “IM GAY” I’d say to them but they didn’t care they probably already knew.


Violet goes to parties like these all the time. I was really nervous on the way here not just because there was a party, a party with alcohol and drugs, a party with people going at it on the couch, a party that I would be at with people rubbing against me without my permission and vomiting all over my shoes, but a party that I wasn’t supposed to be at. A party I snuck out to go to.

That was five hours ago.

Now I’m in San Francisco.

A stupid mistake. Violet had dragged me into a cab with a bunch of other people without telling me where we were going. Of course I asked her again and again where we were going but she was too busy singing and dancing to the radio to hear me. I assumed we were just going back to someone elses house or a bar maybe? I didn’t know. Eventually I stopped worrying about where we were going and just danced along with her and I didn’t notice that we were in the cab for over an hour and when we got out I was still dancing.

See, the city we live in is 66.2 miles from San Francisco,St. Helena, we were in the car for 1 hour and 58 minutes. As soon as we were greeted by the golden gate bridge I thought ‘jump Ellis, jump now’ If I get caught now, i die. How am i supposed to explain to my mother that i snuck out tot go to a party with my girlfriend in December then got into a car and drove to San Francisco. At 3 a.m.



Sweet Creature pt 2

I was a fool, baby. A fool to believe that this had an ending. That you were a chapter in my life that i was turning pages on everyday. Moving further into the book and leaving you long behind, a fool. This doesn’t need to be exciting because nothing is the third time round, and don’t let them fool you, i was a fool, baby. A fool to think that its too late, because i don’t care. I don’t care if i have you now or have you in a million years time. All i know that one day i want to spend forever with you and after that, spend my next forever with you.

Riot Girl

On main St it begins
A revolution kicking in
Just with an old guitar
A burning rage within her heart

Well she’s so sick and tired      waiting for the walls to move

She wants to feel the music
She wants to make the news

Well she’s a Riot girl
She is a swift kick in the wall
Oh she’s a noise maker
She is the shot that ends it all
With a fist like jane
She’s gonna make sure that she’s heard
She’s a Riot girl                                 she’s a Riot girl1e351185-ef5d-41be-9f8a-6624b6a3e704.png

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

101a648f83590ff65193c5b31fccf96e--record-player-crosley-old-record-player.jpgyou are a stranger to me

which is a strange thing to me

just a brief sight of you makes me warp up

renaissance paintings

cover up sharp edged brick walls

i see you in the faces and the eyes of them all

city sky lines

pink misty air

squinted shut eyes

lazily hung hair

your presence is pushing

me out of the scene

and im so caught up in you

that i disappear

and i cant believe it

every morning it seems

that i feel no contempt

when my emotions repeat

like The Beatles song i play you


we dance around the kitchen

while they sing your name

id whisk you away

the first chance that im given

but theres some things in the way

i hope im forgiven

all i really know

all that really matters

is you know my soul

through the rhythmical patterns

that lead me to you

through a friend of a friend

a miracle it feels

theres not yet a dead end

i never imagined

that i be so soon to understand

the cliches and longing

the holding of hands

the cold monday mornings

that are worth pushing through

just for one tiny glimpse

one small sight of you

the unbreakable trances

when i get light headed

talking to you

with the words that i’ve threaded

every day that ive lived

every breathe that ive breathed

every second thats passing

every perception of me

every dent in my wall

every star in the sky

ill think one thought of you

while my words pass you by

with every inch of my soul

and my entire existence

ill push this message past

our spiritual distance

your mind knows great music

so don’t try to change her

how funny to see that

in the eyes of a stranger















Sweet Creature

You disappeared for a while, I remember, vaguely. Time moves too quickly for me to recall. We need to keep in mind that when you fall from such a great height, you don’t land lightly. When you drive at the speed of sound then hit the brakes, you don’t stop slowly. The sudden jolt knocks the air out of you, and the pavement pulls you down like a magnet. How people become drug addicted, you see, is not because they want to live in the moments they are intoxicated. It’s because they don’t what to live in the moments they are sober. You do it once, forever more you are better with it in your system. Leaving the nest isn’t always as freeing as you’d think anymore. the first time we parted i returned a different person. I got to experience things like i never had before. Everything was exciting. Outside is dark now. And i would like to turn on the light. The air doesn’t fill me up like it had before, it chokes me. The lights are pretty no longer, they burn. The mud becomes thicker and i struggle to trudge through without a hand to hold. What can i reassure myself at the end of the day when i wake up with nothing, and go to rest with less. The place where i grew up doesn’t comfort me anymore but at least i will not get lost. The chances here have already been taken by other souls like us. Every train goes the same place and I’m afraid, soon that place will no longer be an escape. Every road looks the same. I only come home for you.



Is the way that your eyes

Multiply in their size

When your mind locks with mine

And our bodies aline

As we swim through the sky

Leave my chest open wide

And my heart on the line

For the way that your eyes

hypnotize me

off key

Off in the distance I see a silhouette of a creature unknown. She dances against the sunset letting the sounds of the forest lay the beat. She dances in the most peculiar way, her body twists and molds into shapes I cannot describe. She touches herself with passion, as if her mouth is sewn shut and she has found a brand new way to express the feelings of magic in her soul. She falls to the ground and lays back into the grass running her fingers through the small stems of life. All of a sudden I am taken away from all known reality as now I too can hear the music in her soul. The drum shakes the ground while I take my first step, making me stumble but not fall. I am mesmerised by her beauty and I want nothing more than to caress her and hold her. She is all I imagine beauty to be and all ive ever known love to sound like. Many don’t understand how i, a girl, could have so much passion and ache for another girls hand. Even I sometimes wonder if I’m wrong but I never second guess that I am in love with violet. She surrounds my existence and she surrounds my thoughts. She is the music i write and the paintings i paint. The voice i speak and the air i breath. I could ask for nothing more than to look into her eyes and have her know just what she is, perfection. She is the adventure that I have been waiting on to wake me up.


Inside Me

I want to breath you in like smoke, through my open mouth and down my throat soon to meet with my lungs and turn them black, filling up my viens like chemicals turning them green and rotten. I want my body to try and rid of the disease, choking you back up like sour sour lemons that dont want to dissapear. I want your precence to make my eyes red and heavy , my skin dry and sore, my bones ake and creek, my voice shaky and broken. in the end ill end up on the verge of death with an incurable illness that ends all the pain and agonay, worth it.

I want to swallow you like water, gulp you down like my insides are dry and dying. i shall drown my self in your soul and bathe in your eyes. i want you to come rushing in and fill every ich of my body, soaking me wet and heaving. cloud my mind untill im spinning with thoughts of love, untill i manage to look past the pain and begging. I know, i know, you are possibly the most dangerous, the most horrible, the most cold thing around but i need you to bring me back to life. Could you fill me up till i burst and you are all I am, you are my existance and my memeory. A whirlwind of noise and screaming comes to an abrubt stop. The sound of birds can now be heard, the scene set with green grass and violet skies.

I want you inside me one way or another.


Since the last time

tap tap tap

I’m back again, you open the door with no hesitation. Its been a month now and no one has apologised but words are cheap as you always say. Skip the small talk, I am here and ready for you, any way you want me, whatever you want to do. We giggle and laugh as our lips have locked and we know what comes next. We struggle up the stairs, show me what youve got. Baby its been too long and I can’t hold back, Im ready to jump back in and drown in the feeling and I will let it take me far far away from here, up into the sky, while im there I will catch a star for you. dance with me, girl, wash yourself all over me. We are a match made by gods I tell you, I will settle for no one else. You test my patience that’s for sure,  you tied my hands behind my back now I am all yours. I take in every piece of you like it is a foreign patch of land, like we haven’t been here before. The feeling shakes the ground and booms in my chest I feel it in my throat like a bass guitar. Violet for spirit, I guess.



Daily Prompt: Silence

via Daily Prompt: Silence

Forced to make

made to make

all to make


want to take

dream to take

cannot take


reach to try

bite to try

we could try


hurt to lie

hold to lie

my oh my


beat me with

whip me with

bruise me with


all I see

all I feel

all I hear


slap it out of me

force it out of me

scream it out of me

I still am





Imagine my voice, the quietest whisper. We don’t need to love so loud and so violent. We can just lay, bodies intertwined, eyes locked until we can’t hold them open. And as you let go I hold on a little longer. While your asleep I brush my thumb across your lips and along your jaw past your ear and through our hair. Silence. You exhale and I feel your breath on my face. Your skin is so smooth and soft its hard for me not to touch it but I don’t need to grab it, I don’t need to let the moment go by so quickly. I feel if I looked at the clock now it would’ve stopped. If I picked up my phone nothing would move. If I looked outside my window everything would have frozen. An invisible force has paused the world in this second so we could have this moment and share it with no one else. Like maybe our loud love is hat made the world move in the first place all those years ago when we very first met. Before you were you and I was me. Maybe this is where it’s supposed to end. Maybe this is exactly where we should’ve been our whole lives .The second our existence has been leading up to. Now, it’s here. I hold my breath as it disappears. It passes you by like it never existed .